PepperHeart's Datingish

Friday fun, ironic

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 19:20:59 GMT

My first kiss was on Friday night, yes, yesterday. I thought about getting on to write about it or something but never got around to it. But anyway it was kind of awkward and slobbery (an understatement) and I didn't really kiss back. It didn't feel special at all to me, though the guy seemed to be enjoying it a lot.

Sex and the City; Miranda (rant)

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:20:07 GMT

Note: If you haven't seen the movie, and intend to, this has spoilers, so you are warned.

    When I first heard of Sex and the City I said "What?! that sounds shallow" but my mom watched it all the time because of the cursing and humor, so to spend time with my mom I watched it too and it turned out to bring up some pretty good points, though I didn't agree with most of their actions, the issues were interesting. So when the movie came out I went to watch it with my mom a couple weeks ago and had a few thoughts about it.

    So or those of you who haven't seen the movie or are unfamiliar with the show, Miranda meets Steve at a bar and uses him as a one night stand (she just likes him for sex). Steve, however, actually likes Miranda so they kind of date for a while and then she gets pregnant with his kid so they get married (this is still in the series). During the movie Miranda doesn't have sex with Steve, insisting that she's too busy (which is ironic because when they first met their relationship was entirely based on her wanting sex). So they go for 6 months without sex until Steve finally cracks and cheats on her in a one night stand. He feels so guilty about it that he tells Miranda and she immediately kicks him out and refuses to talk or even see him except for when they're trading off the baby.

    I don't think that cheating is ever okay, but I do think that sometimes it's understandable.   In this case I think that Miranda just used Steve as a toy instead of a human being, she played with him until she got bored and then put him in a closet. Like any living creature put in a closet, he essentially peed in the corner. Metaphorically speaking (I guess) any guy that would come into your house and pee on the carpet is wrong, but there is a difference between a guy who just chose not to use the toilet and the guy who was locked in the closet and had to pee in the corner. Relationships (especially marriage) is give and take, Miranda only took from the relationship, she never empathized and considered how Steve felt. Does this make it Miranda's fault that Steve cheated on her? No, Steve is still responsible for his own actions (which were still wrong), but because of the circumstances it could be fixed with just a little more understanding from Miranda. (Although it did work out in the end) I think that Miranda was too hard on Steve.

    It is debatable whether sex is a required bodily function the way going to the bathroom is, but I think it's different for everyone. For some people I think that sex is somewhat necessary for their mental health. Other people would rather go play golf or go watch a movie than have sex. Based on the fact that (in this fictional series) Miranda and Steve's whole relationship started because they needed sex, I would say that Steve was the former. Although having a kid dampened Miranda's lust, it apparently didn't effect Steve (at least not as much as her). The thing is, that Miranda never considered Steve's needs, yet she always expected him to be acutely aware of hers. But in the end it all worked out, so yeah, this is pretty much just a rant. I guess there are different levels of cheating, just like there are different levels of love (at least in my book).

    Which is worse, physical cheating or mental cheating? In other words is a one night stand better, worse, or the same as cheating of the mind (like if your spouse loved another person but never had sex with them). An example of mental cheating would be Ethan Frome. (I don't even know if mental cheating is the right word for it, but you know what I mean).

Addictive realationships

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 11:59:20 GMT

    I've heard many people say that they can't stand being single. During high school I watched a few of my female friends start out single and not really caring for a relationship to completely desperate for anyone (sometimes even another girl). Why is it that so many people seem to find the single life almost unbearable? Aren't relationships supposed to be with someone who truly makes you happy? How often do you find a person that REALLY makes you smile? Not magically within a week after breaking up with your last boyfriend (every boyfriend).
    My friend's relationship with boys seemed to become almost like an addiction. It started out every once in a while and grew into having a new boyfriend within days of breaking up with an old one. Somewhat like cigarettes, once she breathed in her first breath of relationship she slowly progressed until it seemed like she could only breathe when in a relationship and had to hold her breath when single. After a few times of being unexpectedly dumped and left flailing for air, she began to start searching for another boyfriend before even breaking up with her current one. She was of course a smart girl and knew that having a new boyfriend within 2 days was "whorish" but that didn't stop her. Knowing this seemed to only make her more secretive and insecure, like how a person hides their shameful addiction.
    Maybe this explains why some people marry and divorce the same person several times in a relatively short period of time. Maybe they're addicted to the idea of a permanent fix to their relationship addiction, and even though they can't stand each other, they can't hold their breath long enough to find another.

(P.S. Is it the sex?)

Love vs. Logic

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 10:42:30 GMT

    There are three kinds of men in my life; The idealistic man, the guys I think I should like but don't, and the guys who for reasons completely beyond logic I can't stop loving. The first of these I have not met, but is constantly in my life because I am trying to figure out who he is. The second one speaks for itself, I don't like them although I think I should (logically speaking). And the third one has come around only once, he was 400lbs, kind of greasy, didn't do well in school and GAY. So that one also speaks for itself.
    The thing is, who I want to love and who I actually do love are two completely different people. Love is not just blind, it's deaf and dumb too! The guy that made me smile uncontrollably and whose presence lit up my life was not the guy I needed to (or could) be in a relationship with. Maybe it was his personality, I have no idea.
    I've often tried to attack love with logic, but logic never wins. Love is stronger, faster, and attacks when you least expect it. I guess I just keep forgetting how illogical everything felt when I sat next to the fat, gay guy that I loved so outrageously much (until I found out that he was gay and gave up). I still kind of hold out that love can be analyzed and that logic has a chance at fighting it when love proves to be blind, deaf and dumb. But even a blind, deaf and dumb love can take out logic any day.

Advice?

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 05:55:31 GMT

A good friend of mine just entered boot camp. I want to send him letters, but I don't know what to talk about. We went to the same school or 8th and 9th grade, and kind of stayed touch online since he moved to another state. I really want to support him right now (since boot camp is tough) but I just don't know what to say. I want to ask him questions, but I know he's exhausted after every day (and doesn't have much time to write anyway). But then I'm not sure if telling him all about my (extremely boring) day would help either. I don't want to remind him of all the things that he doesn't have right now, but I'm not sure if venting to him will help his morale either (don't want to depress the guy). So I really don't know what to talk about. Should I just jabber on about nothing? It took three weeks (though I'm not sure i they held it or not) for him to just write me so I know his address, so I don't expect to have a back and forth, I just want to write him letters every day, but about what??

The value of "love"

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:11:06 GMT

    One thing that has surprised me is how quickly some people throw around the word "Love". I've talked to random people on the internet for five minutes about the weather and they suddenly say "I love you". To this I respond "No you don't". I wonder if guys think that that's just what a girl wants to hear. "I love you" is the last thing I want a guy to say, right before he proposes to me, right before we get married, and right before he (or I) dies. I never want to be told "I love you" just because they think that that's what I want to hear.
    If love was money then how much money would you have it represent? When people say, "I love you" all the time, every day, to what adds up to many people then doesn't that devalue the worth of their "love"? Sure it would be nice if everyone would love everyone, but is any human really capable of truly loving everyone? If you believe in "one true love" then then answer is no.
    But then again there are many kinds of love, there is family love, lover love, friend love, country love etc. So lets stick to the "love" that you tell that person you've been dating for however long. Count up all the people you've told that you love (not family, or friends this is lovers). How many people is it? If hypothetically you valued your love at 1 million dollars and you have told 10 people "I love you" then your "love" is now only worth 100,000 dollars.   This is not to say that you love your future loves less than your first loves. It simply means that you value the word "Love" less. But I guess that also depends on what you define love as, and whether or not you say "love" when you really don't mean it.

Made-up insecurities

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 02:45:27 GMT

    Why does it seem that the prettier a girl is, the more insecure she is? The prettiest girls I know describe themselves as fat and ugly.

    I've attempted to wear make-up before, but I've noticed that it makes me very insecure and very obsessive compulsive. Whenever I do my hair I am always afraid of how it looks. When not in front of a mirror I imagine that my make-up is smeared and that my hair looks ratty. So I just gave up. I don't wear make-up and I don't do my hair, and I've never felt more secure about my appearance. I figure that without make-up I'm alright looking, so if love is even partially blind I have nothing to worry about. I prefer to be myself instead of all made-up.

    I've watched many girls obsess over their appearance, everywhere, all the time. It makes me wonder if perhaps many women are also haunted by the feeling that their make-up is smeared and their hair is a mess. Perhaps the prettiest girls are the ones who take the most time on their appearance and are the most obsessive over it. Maybe their looks are only partially their parents, and mostly an outward expression of their own insecurity.